I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize