I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
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You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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