two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize