that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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