4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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