VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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