I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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