just come out here and I will go home with you...
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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