she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
