There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
