oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
