Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
