You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
