careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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