I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
