shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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