Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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