Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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