Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
