im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
