he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
