I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
