I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
