Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
