Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
