Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
