I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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