we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Randomize
