found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
