I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
