The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugly people sure do ruin things
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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