Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
