saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She needs sedatives and a leash
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
