1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
