Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
