She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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