whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
