I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
