What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
