Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
