Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
