Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
