You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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