Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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