i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
