He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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