the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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