YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The beer is more important than you right now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
