Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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