In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
