dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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