Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
