I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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