i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
