im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
