Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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