She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
