matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
