In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
