im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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