oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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