I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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