If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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