Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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