I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
