Is it because I queefed?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
