she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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