I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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