I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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