I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
