you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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