If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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