I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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