What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
