"it" just moved
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
no. you can't hotbox the world.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
