i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
