I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
