Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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