Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
