Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
