I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and you said cock pushups were impossible
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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