Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
