watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
