Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
