She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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