1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.