Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
